How to Find the Right Therapist For You
Finding a therapist can feeling like dating. It’s a numbers game and often requires a few bad dates before you find something that feels right.
Therapy, like dating, has lots of types and the likelihood of a bad first date can be mitigated by knowing what type of therapy you’re seeking…
Here are some common types you’ll encounter in your search:
CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy): This type of therapy focuses on how your thoughts, behaviors, and feelings impact one another and aims to change thought patterns and behaviors.
DBT (dialectical behavioral therapy): “Dialectic” means the integration of opposites and the goal here is to get unstuck from extremes. It’s similar to CBT but focuses on regulating emotions, acceptance, and mindfulness.
Psychodynamic: In-depth client-led insight therapy based on principles of psychoanalysis (and our friend Freud) that digs into early life experiences, the unconscious, feelings, ideas, dreams, etc.
Somatic: Body-focused therapy that focuses on relationship between body and mind. Highly recommend if you’re interested in being more in touch with your body.
IFS (internal family systems): In the simplest way, I understand this to be parts work. It focuses on healing wounded parts and restoring harmony to the Self.
EMDR (eye movement desensitization and reprocessing): Designed to alleviate distress from traumatic memories and change the way that the memory is stored in the brain, often through tapping or rapid eye movement.
Gestalt: Client-centered, here-and-now therapy that involves re-enactment, such as putting a person or a feeling in an ‘empty chair’ and engaging in a dialogue with it in real-time.
📞 Before you pick up the phone to talk to someone, do a little pre-work. This might help you explain what you’re seeking and help the therapist identify whether they have the skills you need.
Things to consider before reaching out to a therapist:
If any working style (like ones listed above) resonated with you and if you’re looking for a specific kind of therapy.
Any major buckets in your life that need attention or specific outcomes you want from therapy i.e. “I want to be better at setting boundaries with my family”. What brought you here? What do you want to gain from the experience?
Whether your therapist’s identities are a priority in your work. For example, do you want to share the same gender identity, racial identity, relationship status, or religion? How will that impact your work together?
A time and date for sessions that best fits your lifestyle. Ideally, you’re in a comfortable setting, alone, with privacy for an hour. For example, maybe you like a 7pm session because you like processing at the end of your day and then journaling with tea and going to bed.
Ok, so you’ve scored your first date! 🥳 This could be a quick introductory call or a full session. Now what?
Questions you could ask a therapist to determine if it’s a fit:
How can this therapy help me reach my goals?
How will we track my progress? How will I know therapy is working?
What experience do you have working with [insert identity, issue, community, etc]?
What informs your work? What treatment styles do you pull from?
How long have you been practicing?
What are your views on [insert religion, politics, topic, issue, etc]?
What insurance do you accept? What’s the fee/copay?
What does a typical session look like with you? Are there opportunities for me to give feedback?
Things to consider in an introductory call or initial session:
Tone of their voice. Do they sound stressed? Energized? Calm? Intense?
Pace of the conversation. Does this feel rushed? Natural and organic? Fluid?
Physical sensations in response to tone and pace. Do you feel at ease? Tense? Small? Are you holding your breath? Are you activated in any way?
The questions you’re being asked. You want to feel like you’re being asked thoughtful and intentional questions that meet you where you’re at in your process.
Sense of safety. Do they make you feel guarded or comfortable? Do they hold space to listen? How do they hold themselves? Do they ask for feedback or check in at any point? Do they respect your identities and pronouns?
How they position themselves. Do they present themselves as an expert? What are they disclosing to you and why (i.e. does it support you and is it necessary for you to know)? How much space do they take up?
Your embodied, somatic experience is your greatest resource in this process. If you slow down and notice what it’s telling you, there’s a wealth of information. Even if it’s “man, I’m dreading seeing this person again” — that’s necessary information!
